Taking Care of ZHAO YUN for Dummies
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: A manual for the ZHAO YUN unit.


**Introduction**

 **Whoop-whoop! Congratulations! You've obtained the very first unit out of our DW units! When we mean that, he was literally the first thing we made when Koei decided to make games centered around pretty boys and supermen wrecking shit on their own. This unit is the lovable mascot and face of the DW series ever since the PS2-era. (Mr. Suzuki held a gun to my head so that I don't mention that PS1 DW game.) He's like how Nintendo has Mario, we have Zhao Yun. When you desire a hot man who can protect, love, and serve you, the ZHAO YUN unit is going to be blast with you.**

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 **Comes with...**

 **Seven (7) DW8 sets of armor with a dragon head at the shoulder**

 **One (1) set of DW7 aluminum Chinese-ish armor**

 **One (1) set DW6 aluminum medieval armor**

 **One (1) set DW5 basic Chinese armor**

 **One (1) set DW4 basic Chinese armor**

 **One (1) set DW3 basic Chinese armor (There's really no HUGE difference for DW3-DW5 armors.)**

 **Five (5) sets of regular robes/clothing (Warriors need breaks from their armor, you know.)**

 **Two (2) pairs of boots**

 **Two (2) pairs of casual shoes**

 **Three (3) headbands (They serve no practical purpose, really.)**

 **Three (3) hair ties (Hair is not held by magic.)**

 **One (1) dragon spear (It's not a very special looking spear. It just has a cool name.)**

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 **Name: Zhao Yun**

 **Gender: Male**

 **Other names: Dragon of Changshan, Dragon this, Dragon that, Hero of the ROTK, Zilong, Not Zhou Yu, Horse Beater, Child Beater, Koei's bitch/cash cow, Xun Yu's Source Material, The Guy on Virtually Every DW Cover, Yukimura's Ancestor, Cloud (That's what the Yun part means.), Zaow Yoon, General Who Shouts Too Fucking Much, Tryhard (I wish I could keep going, but there wouldn't be anymore room for the actual manual.)**

 **Famous for: Being in part of the first half of the ROTK before biting the dust, the guy who saved Liu Bei's stupid baby, being the person who killed a shitton of famous officers that he didn't kill in real life, loyalty, justice, honor, beingthemaindudeinacertainFFauthor'sstories, that nice white armor he's always depicted in,**

 **Spouse: (Fictional) Ma Yunlu, (Historical) Unknown**

 **Children: Zhao Tong, Zhao Guang**

 **Age: 24 (According to Koei)**

 **Appearance: Pretty boy with a ponytail, has a headband all the time, cross between skinny and muscular**

 **Striking Features: The dragon stuff on his body, has eyes you might get lost in, that tryhard voice**

 **Quirks: Hope you don't mind him obnoxiously shouting in your face about everything.**

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 **Instructions**

 **The unit is a simple guy who surprisingly offered less resistance than we'd thought he would. Just take him out of the box and kindly introduce yourself. He's not going to hurt you. He's going to hurt those flies that got into your house when you received his box. All in all, he is going to be nice to you unless you've shown that you're a threat to him.**

 **Care**

 **The ZHAO YUN unit is a clean person, so yes he needs to bathe. No, he doesn't need you to bathe him. I don't care if you want to see his ass/dick/both in the shower, you're not getting a look at that until your relationship bond is high enough. It's not that ZHAO YUN is self-conscious about his wily, which he isn't, it's just that he wouldn't like this person bursting into the bathroom during his private cleaning time and NOT using the toilet. "Who goes into a bathroom to do nothing and stand in front of the shower?" is what he'll think. If you have the clear shower doors, lucky you.**

 **The ZHAO YUN unit requires proper nutrition to keep that somewhat muscle mass on him. He can't get fat, but not eating healthy stuff will make him feel sluggish. But go ahead, feed him whatever's in your house. He'll just be partially inefficient in defending you from burglars and angry exes.**

 **The unit also requires a lot of water in order to clear up his throat for his voice to get out there. Seriously, his voice can pierce three walls worth of drywall. It's that powerful. It's good to not live around neighbors who hate loud noises or the ZHAO YUN unit's going to make your life hard.**

 **How to keep your unit happy**

 **He's an overall happy dude unless you threaten him. He's like a dog, really. Not in the bad way. Just for comparison. He's loyal to you until the very end as long you threat him well. You abuse him, well... I don't know how you would... Ah, you're dead if you abuse him. Only the LIU BEI unit can beat him around like a chew toy and he would stay loyal to him. If you have a baby, don't worry. He loves children and is great with them. If your baby got left behind in the middle of traffic, he'll rush into there to grab it. It will be Changban all over again.**

 **This unit will leave or disobey if...**

 **You're being a dick/bitch to him**

 **Have the LIU BEI unit around**

 **Have the ZHUGE LIANG unit around**

 **(Really, there isn't much you could do to make him leave you. He sticks with you 'till the end, buddy.)**

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 **Skills**

 **-Chinese fluency**

 **Yeah, yeah. We're obligated to constantly remind you that this unit and our other units can understand Chinese in all forms.**

 **-Decoy boyfriend**

 **The ZHAO YUN unit is capable of beating up your ex who keeps following you. His face will probably discourage other men from bothering you in the bar. He can play the boyfriend card himself very well.**

 **-Bodyguard**

 **Yeah, he's capable of fending off attacks. Don't worry about dying in some dark alley with this unit aorund.**

 **-Chick Magnet**

 **Need to get somewhere that for some reason is absolutely crowded with women always when you walk by? Well, with the ZHAO YUN unit, you can clear out the traffic with his handsome face! It has a possibility to work on men, too. But, it's more effective with women. If you're a woman yourself, I guess you could use him as bait while you snatch up that last pair of shoes/dress/whatever girls like these days on sale.**

 **-Working that spear**

 **Yeah, he knows his way around a spear. Don't know how will that work out in life, but you never know.**

 **-Working that spear (Dirty version)**

 **Do you really believe the "Asians have small dicks" stereotype? Yeah, didn't think so. Use it for porn if you manage to get him into it.**

 **-Preacher's voice**

 **His voice is very audible. Need a speech to be read in a booming voice? Well, ZHAO YUN's got your back. Pretty good for porn too.**

 **Romancing**

 **Yeah, who wouldn't bang him? I don't blame you. Luckily, the ZHAO YUN unit's fairly easy. What? He is. He gets attached to people like how I get attached to Skyrim. He will pick you up and never let you go. And if you managed to live a whole long time with him to form a relationship with him, he's more than happy to rock your world. You watch him work that spear of his and you can understand how he'll wield his other spear. Play your cards right and he's a loving companion for years to come.**

 **Modes**

 **Normal**

 **Determined as Fuck**

 **-The unit gets pumped with adrenaline and is ready to take down anything, no matter how big.**

 **Shojo**

 **-The unit gets soft and lovey-dovey when around a person he really likes. Like 'wants to have sex with' like.**

 **Protective**

 **-When the unit sense danger within his master's range, he'll rush over to face it for them. It's also his jealousy mode if he's getting a little romantic with you and sees you with another person.**

 **See Also:**

 **CAO CAO: He fights to see this man burn in hell.**

 **LIU BEI: Master and best friend since the very start. Saved his baby. Did everything for him and he gets nothing.**

 **ZHUGE LIANG: They're also friends. There's yaoi fanart of them on art websites.**

 **CAO PI: DW5 opening co-star.**

 **MA CHAO: Fellow justice-seeking spear wielder.**

 **XIAHOU DUN: DW7-DW8 opening; the two clash just right before the end of there**

 **LU BU: DW6 opening has him clashing with him for some reason.**

 **FAQ'S**

 _ **Can I change his hairstyle like the XIAHOU DUN unit?**_

 **Sure. As long it isn't stupid or something he won't like. Ah, he'll like whatever you make him out on if he likes you.**

 _ **Cool, I'm going to make Zhao Yun play DW games as himself while dressed as himself. Dynasty-ception!**_

 **Suuure... If that's how you want to play things...**

 _ **Crap, I confused him for the XUN YU unit! Can I return him?**_

 **As long he didn't get attached to you yet and it's within 24 hours, you're entitled to twenty percent of your refund.**

 _ **I broke the spear! What do I do?!**_

 **You get him a new one. He can't fight with a spear that has been super glued back together! You can purchase the MA CHAO unit to get another spear for him.**

 _ **That's a sham and you know it!**_

 **I know... Fine, you can ask for a new one from our company and we'll see to it you'll get a new one within six months.**

 _ **I don't need to know ZHAO YUN's penis size because he was already naked when he came in the box! HAHAHA!**_

 **Okay. So? I'm guessing he's a brand new unit rather than a pre-existing one.**

 _ **Can he do anything academic like my homework? Or at least help me study?**_

 **I'm sorry, he's... an idiot with anything like that. I'm afraid you confused him for the XUN YU unit. Now that unit can help you there.**

 ** _Can I just slap XUN YU's hat on ZHAO YUN's head to make him do schoolwork?_**

 **We wish that worked. But I'm afraid that's not how our units work. Plus, the advisers line get their brainpower from their brains, not their hats.**


End file.
